By Anna Charles

At the age of 5, I was friends with James because we lived next door to each other. By 13, my best mate was Samantha as we were in the same class. At 27, I hung out with Carrie when we worked together.

Am I in regular contact with James, Samantha, or Carrie today? No. Because the circumstances that anchored our connection (neighbourhood, school, work) are no longer the same. We didn’t reframe our friendships, so they died on the vine. And that’s OK.

I bet something similar has happened to you. It’s just one of those things, right? We understand this. We accept it. We don’t do a lot of soul searching, we don’t ask what went wrong, we don’t say things like “I should have been a better friend” and we don’t make it a big deal. Because it isn’t one.

See This Break As An Opportunity

But when it comes to our friends and alcohol it’s an entirely different conversation.

When we decide to drink differently—even to abstain for just a month—we often worry about the impact on our friends. Worry they won’t want to hang out with us, worry they’ll find us boring. Even worry we’ll lose them as friends.

I want to offer an alternative approach for this break.

Instead of focusing on how hard this month will be, ask how might it reframe, reinvigorate or refresh your friendships? What then?

Treat This Break As An Experiment

If this unsettles you, that’s understandable. How many times have you said, “Let’s go for a drink”? These five words underpin so many social interactions no wonder we feel uncertain. What on earth do you do with your friends instead of drink? 

This month, be willing to place your doubt to one side and aim for curiosity instead. Ask: “I wonder what this will be like?” instead of “I’ll do this even though I know it’s going to be a drag.” This will make all the difference. Notice that I did NOT say you have to believe this will be THE BEST THING EVER. No. But do give it a chance.

I suggest you turn it into a game. This keeps things light and stops all you perfectionists from seeking the ‘right’ approach. For instance, you could commit to doing something different every time you meet a friend. This doesn’t need to be grandiose or expensive—it just requires a little planning. Here are some suggestions to get you started: meet for breakfast; meet for coffee; go for a walk; do a sport together (even something silly like mini golf); play a board game; read a play together (this is genuinely a hoot if there’s a group of you). 

Don’t half-ass this. Go all in. Keep it up for the whole month. Really lean into this being a fantastic opportunity to learn how you can reframe friendships away from alcohol.

Evaluate This Break—What Did You Learn?

As a new month dawns, evaluate what happened. You may find that some friendships don’t last—and that’s OK. Yes, there may be people who don’t want to hang out with you when you’re not drinking. But you may learn that YOU don’t want to hang out with certain people when you’re not drinking either. And that’s OK too.

Either way, you’ll have a clearer view of how you see yourself around alcohol, how to make different decisions and you’ll have a handy Rolodex of alternatives to “let’s go for a drink.”